Ive seen this satire going around a bit on facebook, and I wanted to point out the inconsistencies and/or bad thinking: in depth. It doesn’t get off for being stupid just because it’s tongue in cheek, so don’t even think about going there.
Top 17 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
17. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
I don’t think anyone worth listening to would suggest that society hasn’t been founded on the relationships that exist between men and women, and the offspring that comes from those unions. In reality, there would be no civilization without an organized way to do this. If we took cars, or any of these other things away, I don’t think we could see such a profound change as negation. The satire here conveniently ignores that gay marriage, conceptually, really is diametrically opposed to the foundations of life. Maybe this would make some sense if the joke revolved around how marriage isn’t really any kind of foundation, but then no one would be able to take it seriously, or funniy.
16. Gay culture is a new fad created by the liberal media to undermine long-standing traditions. We know this is true because gay sex did not exist in ancient Greece and Rome.
Yeah, rome and greece are the picture of functional, compassionate society, aren’t they? The funniest thing about this is that it is written in defense of a social move to subvert traditional definitions… uhm,,,, regardless of which side of the fight you’re on in this, undermining *is* what is happening… So.. denying that it is…. is pretty much the stupidest thing you can say about it. Good example of so-called liberals trying to be slippery.
15. There are plenty of straight families looking to adopt, and every unwanted child already has a loving family. This is why foster care does not exist.
? Anyone can adopt….? I think i missed whatever this is trying to say?
14. Conservatives know best how to create strong families. That is why it is not true that Texas and Mississippi have the highest teen birthrates, and Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire have the lowest. This is a myth spread by the liberal media.
Something wrong with pregnancy? Look, I know you’re gay, but try to understand: People that actually classify as reproducing life forms have babies. Besides that, Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire have lower young birthrates because they, you know…. are more prone to terminate the pregnancy with knives. Always a good sign of functioning families.
13. Marriage is a religious institution, defined by churches. This is why atheists do not marry. Christians also never get a divorce.
Yeah….. Church recognized marriage has literally nothing to do with civil marriage, which is the only thing you could be having a problem with, seeing as how having a gay marriage ceremony in a church isn’t illegal. And while we’re on the subject, gay marriage isn’t “illegal”, dumb-asses, there’s no penalty for it. It simply isn’t assigned a legal definition and standing.
12. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why our society has no single parents.
Actually, the conservative position has to do with Ideal environments, not exclusive ones. Again, single parents struggle, they are not the picture of functionality, and This is generally attributed by experts to the high cycle of crime in black communities. This….. isn’t new, Im sure you’ve heard of this before, unless you’ve been living under a rock.
11. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
Our founding documents, on the other hand, are intensely theistic. ready to rip them up? yeah, I bet you are.
10. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
Actually, the point is that gay parents raise more *promiscuous* children: which is, actually, backed by studies. I don’t know where so-called liberals got this idea that conservatives are anti-gay above all other things. We against OTHER bad things, too.
9. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
I know it’s hard for you to understand, libs, but conservatives don’t believe that government controls everything. Our version of social engineering isn’t to pass laws to make things invalid, it’s to *encourage* certain behaviors over others by incentivizing them. Try to put that frame of mind on, and stop acting like the goal is to control everything.
8. Gay marriage should be decided by the people and their elected representatives, not the courts. The framers checked the courts, which represent mainstream public opinion, with legislatures created to protect the rights of minorities from the tyranny of the majority. Interference by courts in this matter is inappropriate, just as it has been every time the courts have tried to hold back legislatures pushing for civil rights.
Uhm….. Yeah, you need to show that something unconstitutional is happening if you want the courts to do something….. problem with doing that?
7. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
Uhm, yes, broader definitions of marriage mean less meaning. The fact that britany spears is crazy… well, I refer you back to the “conservatives dont want to control people” idea.
6. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because “separate but equal” institutions are a good way to satisfy the demands of uppity minority groups.
*shrug* If you can’t tell that there’s an actually different between homosexuality and heterosexuality, then you need to look harder. homosexuality does not equal heterosexuality, in a principal way. Black man DOES equal White man, in a principal way.
5. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
it really hasn’t changed much. we still put round pegs into the round holes.
4. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
Liberals really are prats. How about minors? Groups? Yeah. They can sign legal documents. Doesn’t that create a problem?
3. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
Promiscuous. I know you like to fit conservatives into a nice little box, but there’s more depth to us than “we hate the gays”
2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
At least you’re admitting that homosexuality is manufactured.
1. METEORS and VOLCANOES.
? Substance, please.