I see a lot of people affirming what I take to be ridiculous notions about love and physicality.
I suppose that is nothing new. Not in my personal life, and certainly not on the Internet, and more-so not in the world. But, I’ll talk about something related.
It is my belief that it wasnt so long ago that I blew past such a last chance, and I only blinked once. Without going into any detail, regardless of whatever other parties may say, I’m rather confident in the fact that my vow to not kiss, and my follow through of this, shot whatever chance I had in the foot, and it had been limping along for a year to the month.
My knowledge of other events surrounding this are scant, at the very, very, very best… but I do take it to understand that *most* people take this sort of “don’t think, just do” attitude when it comes to that first kiss. It’s probably worth noting that my first kiss was such a thing. She saw that conflict in me, even at that young age of 17, and said to me “You’re thinking too much”, she only got her next sentence half out before I went for it. I don’t even remember what she was saying. So…. that very much happened before I became very affirmed in my beliefs and ideas about life, and I have come to regret what is very standard fare for most. Regardless of else that may be said of me, I am strange in this regard.
Because of that strangeness, it is hard to put to words, the pain, to someone outside of my frame of reference, that is caused by the knowledge that other men have been willing to act uncaringly, unthinkingly, in this way, and enter into this kind of muddlement that the given person, be it me, or some other suitor, fought against within themselves, out of concern for the purity and health of the would-be relationship.
Addendum, rather… That pain is caused by the knowledge that this confusing, psuedo-state, uncaring, unthinking…….. -immoral-… action, is the very thing that draws her away from you with a quiet, contemplative disposition and a few tears.
I chided someone, once, for thinking too much about the nature of our relationship. That was stupid. My attitude now is that any such person should be told to go and think and pray long and hard….. But I said otherwise then, because I understood innately… that abandoning thought and reason in this kind, on my upshot, was the surest way that she would stay, though I was not willing to cement that grey to us manually by kissing her. But I did so want her to stay.
And that ‘staying power’ is the power of the physical relationship, and men often wield it like a club, not a rapier.
But, this appears to be how both men and women prefer to live, nowadays. I’ll none of it. It hath made me mad.