Archive for June, 2007

Andrew Kramer

Posted in Blogroll, Production on June 21, 2007 by ephisus

Andrew Kramer is a highly respected member of the Creative Cow community. People send him bushels of money for his marketed advice on the use of After Effects. He added a blog to his excellent website

Anyone serious about new media should keep read up on it.

Less than kin, more than kind, or something like this.

Posted in Sex on June 21, 2007 by ephisus

This man is exceptionally blunt, comes off as being close minded at times, and loves to phrase great ideas in ways that offend people to the core.

Also, these things are said about me on a regular basis.

While I don’t protest to his writing in the ways that many people who comment do (people, I think, that are not willing to examine their notions from the ground floor, one person suggests that his sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek and sometimes raunchy statments are the bones of his good ideas, that need to be spat out. Personally, I think the flavor is challenging and in-one’s-face in a lot of good ways), I do think that some of his thinking goes off the deep end from time to time. Don’t we all.

However,

I find myself agreeing whole heartedly with this particular post, though, being increasingly less estranged from structured church after decades of distance, I had not thought of this on my own, to my lasting shame.

I don’t think any woman alive will ever live up to your standards.

Posted in Loukusisms, Love on June 16, 2007 by ephisus

I got an anonymous tip-off this morning on my facebook honesty box application.  This is what it says:  Unadulterated.

I don’t think any woman alive will ever live up to your standards. It seems like you’ve built up a woman who doesn’t exist, and women can sense that. It might be what’s giving you so much trouble in this particular situation.

 This should not be misinterpreted as a scramble-to-defenses sort of writing regarding this.  It’s not likely that I would have a vehemont reaction to such a statement, being how that first sentance has been uttered, word for word, by several independent people in different social circles.  So, it bears examination.

There are two things that I think might be referred to as something that establishes my “standard”

 The first, and most likely, is my expectation of myself convince a woman to marry me without the aid of any serious physical involvement.  In the past five years of holding myself to this; I have met women that I believed would be capable of following through on a relationship with me, each one has fallen in turn to the test of time and other, less concerned, suitors.  Generally speaking, there are a substantial number of people who understand the expectation of celibacy, and the extension of that idea to kissing is a slight stretch for most, but not impossible.

The second, possibly, but not probably, is my willingness to highly compliment certain women with poetry.  Perhaps the idea that a statement complimenting a particular woman’s beauty, makes her feel inadequate, like it is an epitaph she cannot live up to; is what is being referred towards.  I think that’s silly, personally, unless the person commenting thinks me to be disingenuous or overtly charming for some alterior motive.  If I say such a thing to you, it’s because I like you.  It’s because you really are that beautiful.  I’ll digress, the first is far more likely.  One of my darkest hours entailed being told how wonderful the romance had been, in spite of it’s eventual failure– being simultaneous dashed and praised for my idealism.  I have never come across such serious evidence that what I seek is impossible, though at the moment, I was more occupied with the immediate consequences. 

I do not think that the romance is the problem on the surface; but a base matter of interest.  These women were not that interested in me, point blank.  That is a discomforting thought in and of itself, but the fulcrum here is that the impossibility of the matter lies in myself:  my ability to attract a woman to the extent that follow through will take place, opposed to the pursuit of other men, or percieved demerit in pursuing a relationship sans physicality. 

 I have been unable to do this, for whatever reason, not even in situations where the women have been statedly interested.  That is my male colored understanding of my situation, I do not understand what ‘standard’ I am holding women to, other than an expectation of comely love, enacted on with purity.  Those are each difficult, but the only way that I know how to live properly.  If ‘properly’ is too difficult, then I will do without; I despise the notion that failure is always inevitable.

We can do all things through Him.

Re: Kiss Her; it may be your last chance.

Posted in Loukusisms, Love on June 1, 2007 by ephisus

http://randomvandal.wordpress.com/2007/05/31/kiss-her/

I see a lot of people affirming what I take to be ridiculous notions about love and physicality.

I suppose that is nothing new.  Not in my personal life, and certainly not on the Internet, and more-so not in the world.  But, I’ll talk about something related.

It is my belief that it wasnt so long ago that I blew past such a last chance, and I only blinked once.  Without going into any detail, regardless of whatever other parties may say, I’m rather confident in the fact that my vow to not kiss, and my follow through of this, shot whatever chance I had in the foot, and it had been limping along for a year to the month.

My knowledge of other events surrounding this are scant, at the very, very, very best… but I do take it to understand that *most* people take this sort of “don’t think, just do” attitude when it comes to that first kiss.  It’s probably worth noting that my first kiss was such a thing.  She saw that conflict in me, even at that young age of 17, and said to me “You’re thinking too much”, she only got her next sentence half out before I went for it.  I don’t even remember what she was saying.  So…. that very much happened before I became very affirmed in my beliefs and ideas about life, and I have come to regret what is very standard fare for most.  Regardless of else that may be said of me, I am strange in this regard.

Because of that strangeness, it is hard to put to words, the pain, to someone outside of my frame of reference, that is caused by the knowledge that other men have been willing to act uncaringly, unthinkingly, in this way, and enter into this kind of muddlement that the given person, be it me, or some other suitor, fought against within themselves, out of concern for the purity and health of the would-be relationship.

 Addendum, rather…  That pain is caused by the knowledge that this confusing, psuedo-state, uncaring, unthinking…….. -immoral-… action, is the very thing that draws her away from you with a quiet, contemplative disposition and a few tears. 

I chided someone, once, for thinking too much about the nature of our relationship.  That was stupid.  My attitude now is that any such person should be told to go and think and pray long and hard….. But I said otherwise then, because I understood innately… that abandoning thought and reason in this kind, on my upshot, was the surest way that she would stay, though I was not willing to cement that grey to us manually by kissing her.  But I did so want her to stay.

And that ‘staying power’ is the power of the physical relationship, and men often wield it like a club, not a rapier.

But, this appears to be how both men and women prefer to live, nowadays.  I’ll none of it.  It hath made me mad.