Archive for the Sex Category

Less than kin, more than kind, or something like this.

Posted in Sex on June 21, 2007 by ephisus

This man is exceptionally blunt, comes off as being close minded at times, and loves to phrase great ideas in ways that offend people to the core.

Also, these things are said about me on a regular basis.

While I don’t protest to his writing in the ways that many people who comment do (people, I think, that are not willing to examine their notions from the ground floor, one person suggests that his sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek and sometimes raunchy statments are the bones of his good ideas, that need to be spat out. Personally, I think the flavor is challenging and in-one’s-face in a lot of good ways), I do think that some of his thinking goes off the deep end from time to time. Don’t we all.


I find myself agreeing whole heartedly with this particular post, though, being increasingly less estranged from structured church after decades of distance, I had not thought of this on my own, to my lasting shame.


Cuius regio, Eius religio

Posted in Loukusisms, Love, Sex on May 23, 2007 by ephisus

  I think I’m beginning to narrow down my problem with some of the status quo a little more.  Just the problem, not a practical solution, other than waiting on the Lord.

  See, Joel Loukus is a huge idealist.  He persists in quixotic notions about Life.  He values truth and morality, honor, love, respect for life, and wisdom above his own happiness, and tries to carry this idea to it’s ultimate conclusion in all that he does.

So, of the three objectives:  Pursuing God, propogating an Family, and making cool movies, I’ll unabashedly claim that numbers one and three are pretty well in the works.  Number Two is sticky, at best.

 I value monogamous love, it’s expression in sex, and the institution of marriage at such a staggering importance, that I have taken this vow to not Kiss until marriage.

  Here’s the main rub.  More than a few women have exclaimed at how wonderful this is.  The words echo, “Any woman would be lucky”.  In time- on average of about a year- most of these women have opted to *not* be the lucky girl, and have gone for men with far less idealism.  In fact, most of them have gone off with men with no idealism. 


Or, in other words, Men that are inherently unable to commit to real ideas.  Maybe that’s harsh.  I am not sorry, neither.

 The reason that this is so offensive to me, is that I have held out this romantic, idealistic, pure love to women, and I have been spurned in favor of men with worldviews that, when pressed, would force them to admit that thier actions– all those sweet kisses on the forehead, or quiet tea parties, or sweet nothings whispered– are simply biological, and that monogamy is a joke, and that the only finality in the universe is chaos and death.  That men and women(or whichever) embrace each other temporarily, worshiping the physical comfort of thier biology.

And it is truly, absolutely, offensive to have that chosen over what I will describe as real love. 

 It is, without a doubt, the most offensive thing that happens to me.  And it happens- basically- every year.

Lie thou there in the opinion of Pythagorus

Posted in Sex on April 24, 2007 by ephisus

My grand’rents were in town this past weekend, just in time for my show.

My time with my mother’s parents has been far between, their interests being sometimes mobile, and nearly always states away, at least. When i was younger, I would see them for a week– or so, at a time, maybe once a year. It has logrithmically dropped as I’ve entered adulthood, with all the responsibility and demand that comes with such a transition.

Anyway, I was very quiet as a Kid. And a teenager. Only in the past 2 years have i developed what my father describes as a voice befiting a boatswain. And then, only in character, much of the time.

Point is, for all my idealistic zeal for Christianity, I realized that my grandparents must have very little idea of that. I suspect that information to such an effect would not flow freely between certain elements of my extended family, if people even cared to speak on it.

I remembered a few years ago, my grandmother asked me, with a sullen look on her face, a very round about question about the nature of my belief in God. I simply said, ‘yes’, in a way which, in hindsight, was probably easily dismissed as parrotting or passive acceptance. Perhaps that was enough for ease, even, to some degree.

I availed myself of the recent opportunity.

Through the course of the half day that I had in their presence, I spoke with my grandmother, offering first the knowledge of my vow to not kiss until marriage, and following this into my personal beliefs about the importance of marriage, and being unabashed about my statements on sexuality, on its sanctity, and absolute necessity for me and my peers, and the deep pangs associated with my inability to explore it morally in the context of a marriage.

She was perhaps a little overwhelmed, but relieved I think. Perhaps she would not ask before because she was afraid that she would hear the typical sidestepping drivel that my peers throw at authority figures on the subject. Perhaps it was too taboo for her. But, I put it out there for her to see.

After the half day of reflection on my recent stage performance, said philosophical discussions, and review of my videography work, I prepared to leave for other enagements, she hugged me, and said, “Keep up the good work.”

I wasn’t sure which she meant. Perhaps she meant my pursuit of financial stability and independence; it seemed likely.

I asked.

“Which work.”


She paused a long time, searching for a word.

“Attitudes” was the one she settled on.

I nodded. And left.